Monday, July 10, 2017

What Not to Say if You're a First Lady


I'm reposting this gem,  I wrote on my Yahoo 360 blog.Way back when 2007.

What Not to Say if You’re a First Lady


My sis sent me an email that was full of wonderful freaking quotes by freaking Hillary Clinton when she was freaking First Lady of Arkansas and the USA

. My freaking Heroine – Not!  

No surprise here on how she can turn a phrase. My favorite quote is "Where's the miserable c*ck sucker?"

(From the book "The Truth About Hillary" by Edward Klein, p. 5 - Hillary shouting at a Secret Service officer)

So as the Oldest Voter  on the Web, I am giving some great advice to First Ladies-

“ What Not to Say When You’re in the White House.”
Martha Washington- George, those wooden teeth have to go, I’ve got splinters in my hickies.
Abigail Adams- Is that a musket in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?
Dolly Madison James, Grab my cookies one more time and your dead meat.
Mary Todd Lincoln- Abe, Stop being 3 feet taller than me, it sucks.
Edith Roosevelt- Teddy, that was some rough ride last night. Do me again.
Helen Taft –No Willie, I just don’t feel like playing “ride the elephant” tonight.
Eleanor Roosevelt - FDR, I’ve got a New Deal for you- Don’t ask and I won’t tell what you trained that little dog to do.
Bess Truman –How about passing ME some bucks Harry, you old tight wad!
Jacqueline Kennedy- So these blonde hairs are from a dog? Yeah, that bitch Marilyn.
Nancy Reagan –Enough worship already, Ronnie! I know I'm a Goddess!
Rosalyn Carter –Jimmy, you have more BS than my rose garden.
Barbara Bush – I’m so bushed, and it was wonderful.
Hillary Clinton –WTF- Gimme that tape recorder or you’ll be listening to it out of your ass.
Laura Bush –George, take off that crown right now. You’re making me nervous.
Michele Obama -  Barack, with you and the dog, I know 2 BOzo's. 
Melania Trump- Orange is the new  presidential decorating scheme.


Wednesday, July 5, 2017

It's Here! My Mandatory Cat Post- Meoooow!


Mandatory Cat Post
A while ago, I was reading a interesting post Dissecting the blogosphere, at the When Your Only Tool is a Hammer blog. It describes different types of blogs and bloggers. I found myself fitting into description of most of them. Maybe this is due to me being diagnosed as having what was known as Mutliple Personality Disorder (MPD) and today is termed Dissociative Identity Disorder ( DID).

Since I am Dr DoLittle today, and have 2 cats, Kiki and Barnie, they have told me that it was time for THEIR post. After discussing the merits of : Owner Worship, Tuna, and the Feather Dancer Toy, the topic selected was: Ways Cats Are the Better Than Those Idiot Dogs.

Sooooooooooooooooooooooo! Here it is…

Ways Cats Are Better Than Those Idiot Dogs

Good Helpers- Lap up any split milk or tuna juice. Way better than a Roomba Vacuuming Robot for finding those dust balls.
Tanning Coaches-They find the best patches of sun for daily naps, even on a cloudy day.
Expert LookOuts- Always on duty at the window watching for the dreaded Naperville bunnies from hell and any feathered critters. If a stranger is coming to the door, they quickly warn you by running away. Just follow the vapor trail to see where they came from.
Bed Warmers- They pick the best spot on my DH’s pillow and warm it up for him. Is it Not their fault that it is 90 outside and the ceiling fans are going. Beds always Need to be warmed, that is what they live for!
Lap Dancers- Ok, another name for the lap dance is kneading. They jump into your lap and knead you before settling down for serious petting sessions.
Teachers of a Foreign Language- When us humans, see a kitty, we instantly speak another language “Awwwl, what a cutesy, wootsy little mee mee baby”.
Yoga Guru - Are you that flexible to touch your tongue all the way down to your butt? Cats are and do.
Team Work - While Barnie jumps into your lap as you sit in front of the computer, Kiki goes under the monitor stand and in back to stick her paws thru the keyboard shelf and slaps at your fingers. They enjoy the shrieks, especially late at night, when it seems a paw is coming out of no where.
Decorators
- They are experts in change. “Let’s knock over monitor, flower vase, or just anything to change the look of the room.”
Relaxation Experts- They realize that there is no such thing as a bad time for a NAP.
Bad Karma Ridders- Having a bad day, just pet a purring cat to get rid of the bad karma. It really works!
Best Friend- They are non critical of your old tattered bedrobe, unshaved legs (they really like those) and soft out of shape body. If a cat loves you, than you ARE good looking and intelligent.
Masters of Manipulation- Let’s face it, cats win your heart and then enslave you.


Monday, May 15, 2017

Just in Time for the Opener- "Dodgers' Rules of Etiquette video by Phineas and Ferb

Make sure to not.. 
well you do have x-ray vision to set 3rd base on fire, don't you? 

 So don't...
 and monkeys are a NO..
 but maybe zombies are OK.... 

whatya think?

 Play ball and Yay Phineas and Ferb. video below and don't forget to hum along....





Saturday, May 6, 2017

Why I Love and Hate Family Vacations

Going On A Family Vacation - Just Taking a Trip through the past and re-reading a blog post I did years ago. 

Sight see the below post, from the traveler of years past. And I survived and I got the pictures to prove it. LOL

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I found out long ago, it’s a long way down the Holiday Road.


It’s that time of year again. The most fun time of the year I tell yah! – Family Vacation Time!

This year we're driving to South Dakota to see Mt. Rushmore. 

From the Oldest Vacationer on the Web, I’m telling You,,,,

- Why I Love and Hate Family Vacations!-

Planning It;s all about my choices because I have an MBA in Vacation Planning. DH just suggests some destinations and leaves the planning to me. 
OMG-It’s all my choices! What if they don’t like the sights, hotel and activities I’ve planned? Relax? Never heard of that word. Every Freakin minute is Planned I tell Yah, in this vacation!

Driving
Seeing new Stuff, Playing road games, listening to different radio stations, Sunsets, Sunrises - NEW is the word here. Explorer is the “E” in DebbieKinIL’s name.
Road construction, rest stops, detours, gas prices, weather, bug hitting the windshield, miles of endless flat stuff- Not a sight to behold except the back of my husband’s head as I sit in the middle of the white mini-van (it’s the law in Naperville to own a white mini-van) praying that I do not die from boredom because I am not driving! Go GPS yourself!

Are We There Yet?
Coming Up with new wise-crack answers to the endless Are We There Yet question. It’s the 1st joke as we pull onto the interstate. Humor can make the trip bearable.
Do You Want Whine with that Cheese? And if I hear that you are: bored, tired, thirsty, hungry, angry, cold, or hot, one more time I will personally give you a tour of the moon! Why did I teach this child to talk???LOL!

Music
I get to play some or all of my Jimmy Buffett CD’s and dusted off some classics for old time’s sake. Like to sing to them too…Yes, I am a Pirate, 200 Years too Late. Reaching for Bob Seeger for driving fast, fast, faster, fastest!
If I have to listen to that Disney Pre-Teen crap (too high pitched voices) just more time, I will yank the freakin CDs out of the player and play Freeway Frisbee with them! Hannah Montana, you’re outta here! And the Hamster Dance, Burn in Hell Rodents!

Souvenirs
Finding the perfect treasure. I know from past experience to grab it, cause we rarely visit any place twice!
May I ask”Why is all the Mt. Rushmore stuff made in China? "


Family Time
Enjoying my wonderful husband and darling daughter for an entire week. HooYah!
OMG, a 13 hr car trip with the AntiChrist and Mr. Impatient who wants to drive, by all by himself, all of 900 miles from ILL-In-Noise to South Dakota. Kill Me Now!    Nah, I’ll wait until I see Mt Rushmore and then make that date with a pitcher of Margaritas, it’s much easier being with my family when I’m intoxicated relaxed.

The Sights and Stuff
Finding out that all my hard work in planning paid off and we actually enjoyed ourselves and the vacation.
Ouch! Who was the one who came up with the idea of driving 200 miles out of our way to see the “World’s Largest Ball of Twine?”


Pictures
Digital cameras rule! (remember this was before the cell phone camera) 
I am a master in Printshop and do a dynamite photo scrap book. I was photo scrapbooking way before Al Gore invented the Net!
Well, there are always internet images to steal or download.   And Postcards make great pictures. “Listen, Professionals know what they are doing, Honey.” I don’t want to spend all my time looking through the lens to see the sights.        And I don’t want to turn into the Photo Freakin’ Mom, who must have 47 angles of every spot. 

Packing/UnPacking
I have learned packing from the “Pro” DH, who taught a mean, tight, roll em up, for all my clothes. When we come home, I leave the suitcases right in the laundry room, so I can toss the dirty clothes right into the washer as I unpack.
“Alright, I know I packed my PJ’s. But now I just can’t seem to find them.” “AntiChrist, I said you can not put on the same pair of underwear 3 days in a row” “Put those stinky socks in this WalMart plastic bag and I’ll fumigate them when I get home.” “Don’t’ Panic, I know there are stores in SD, where we can actually buy
toothpaste if we need it.”

Thursday, May 4, 2017

StarsWars is Fabulous 40 and You Might be an Old School Star Wars Fan if



My Results
I am Han Solo (like I didn't already know that-right Chewbacca?)

Even though you've been described as
reckless, selfish and cocky, you're the
type of person others love to be around.
People like you because you're a scoundrel.


Which STAR WARS CHARACTER AM I quiz?
 
May the force be with you. I hope you enjoyed this Star Wars Personality test. And I hope you got the results you desire. If you had Jar Jar, well, I hope you change.

( the stamps I bought on the 30th Anniversary)



I wrote a post on the 30th Anniversary of Stars Wars- A New Hope, May 25,2007 about being Star War Crazy. It's Old School, baby, because 40 years is old school.

And another 40 years have passed at light speed and the Force remains strong in all generations ...

Is the Force still going strong in your world?  Read the below. 
 
In 40 years a lot has happened, but there are those who are still Star Wars Crazy. Are you one? 

Take the test. ...
You Still Are a Star Wars Crazy if
The only Muppet you can name is Yoda,
THEN You Might Still be a Little Star Wars Crazy.

You still have your original "May the Force Be With You" T-shirt (if may not fit anymore, ), THEN..

You hacked into the Industrial Light and Magic website to get the your SW screen saver, THEN..

You can't except that the Millennium Falcon was in the last millennium, THEN..

You're resume starts with "A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away....", THEN..

You've named your tall metal garbage can -C-3PO, THEN..

Your framed college degree says "Master of Jedi", THEN..

You only allow your kids to have their face painted as Darth Maul, THEN..

You cell ring tone is "March of the Stormtroopers", THEN..

You've named your twins -Luke and Leia, THEN..

You wore your Darth Vader costume to the Post Office to get the SW 30th commemorative stamps, THEN..

The last good news you heard was "The Gospel According to Star Wars", THEN..

You call those Solo plastic drinking cups, Han Solo cups, THEN..

You use your outdoor lightsaber as a BBQ lighter, THEN..

Your 1st, 2nd, and 3rd golden retrievers were named Chewbacca, THEN..

You find yourself still quoting the movie,
"Thats no moon, its a space station!" and
"Congratulations you are now a part of the tribe!", THEN....
You Still Believe In and Say - "May the Force be With You" THEN You Still ARE Star Wars Crazy!


Friday, April 21, 2017

Why Cats Are Superior Fighters Than Dogs - Humor



A Scratching Post

Debbie got mulched yesterday, so as a favor to her (really she gave me some tuna treats as a bribe) I, Kiki the "Bad Newz Kitten" am writing a new post today.

Lucky You!! ….Because there will be No reposting from me. (I like scratching posts better.)

I want to write about something that has been on my mind for the last month and once in the news: Michael Vick and the Dogs Fighting.

With all the Fuss about dogs fighting, I want to make it purrrrfectly clear that “Cats Are Superior Fighters Than Dogs “

Dogs are just wannabees.

Ok , there are Devil Dogs and GA BullDogs .

But the Devil Dogs are United States Marines and the GA Dawgs are something else- those SICK Puppies! (I can still hear THAT howling cheer Goooo Georgia Bull Dogs Woof, Woof, Woof ! And now you have that chant to listen too all day long in YOUR head MurHaaa!!!)

Did you ever notice how many Sport teams are named after Felines?

The Pro FootBall teams seem to like Feline Names alot (I like hacking up fur balls myself). There are : Cincinnati Bengals, Jacksonville Jaguers, Carolina Pannthers and Detroit Lions.

And What about Collegiate Teams? Holy Mackeral! (I prefer tuna myself) There are so many !!!! There are: AMCats, Bearcats, Bearkats, Bengals, Bobcats, Cougars, Golden Bobcats, Golden Lions Golden Panthers, Golden Tigers, Hillcats, Jaguars, Lions, Lynx, Lyons, Maroon Tigers, Mountain Cats, Mountain Lions. Nittany Lions, Panthers, Pumas, Sea Lions (just threw this one in here to see if you were paying attention) ,Tigers, Tomcats, Wildcats (over 32! At the last count- but who is not doing the counting, I am!)

In our other Pro sports there are : MLB Detroit Tigers, NHL Panthers, and the newest team in the NBA is named after a what? Yep, a FELINE!!! It’s the Charlotte Bobcats (I think that ta certain tractor company is getting some royalties somewhere in this don’t you?)

Here are just a FEW things that make Cats Superior Fighters Over Dogs

Weapons -4 sets of SHARP claws that beat Paws Down those doggy painted toenails (yuck!) And here’s something else to think about for weapons of Cat Destruction –Catapults and Cat of Nine tails, as well as our version of the Catomic Bomb-the odor from the litter box.

Really Sharp Teeth- Our Motto is “Bite Me? I'll Go First!” and we sharpen our teeth with steel files (I made the steel files thing up-LOL)

Cunning and Intelligence- Even our “Playtime” is a form of Hunting Practice and we are Republicans Individuals, who don’t hunt in packs. We have learned to depend on our selves. (Correction here, My cousin the Lion does hunt in a pack. But he's the King, so we let him do whatever he wants to do.)

Climbing –We can go up trees faster than our cousins the monkeys. (Going DOWN trees is another blog post) We use the heights to paratail down on our victims.

Hearing- Say What? We have Superior Selective Hearing! We can hear the cat food can opening from miles away, but never, ever, hear you if we don’t want to. We will hear you before you can see us and guess what? We won't bark to give our hiding position away.

Pouncing and Jumping- Our Favorite Effective Form of Cattack!

Sneak Attack- We put the “P” in Patience. Why chase our pry, when we can just hide and wait for it to walk by? (We taught those Navy SEAL Lions a thing or two on SNEAK and Peak)

Hissing and Growling – This is our Sonar Warning System to Scare Off others when we are not in the mood for a fight (My mood right now is catnapping. What’s yours?)

Fast Runners- Can we say Cheetah, one of the fastest sprinters around? ( I call this going Mach Cat One, whoah, just like my fav. Navy Fighter, now retired -the TOMCAT. Hey, another name for a fighter- told yah, so. )

Stealth – We walk on our toes and our feet have thick, soft pads so we can move in Virtual Silence . Not like a clumsy, nail clicking dog. (Oh, yeah, I had a virtual dog once, and rebooted him off the screen in favor of the paper clip office helper.)

Clean –Most Dogs stink and drool. If your enemy can smell you, before he sees you , you’ve lost the advantage of surprise. (but I have to admit, attackers can slip on the dog drool when he’s attacking you, so I will give ½ of a point for drool)

Nine Lives- Dogs have only one life. If we die we come back, and back, and back, and back. Tenacious would be the word but it starts with Ten instead of Nine. (MeOuch on that one!)

Cattitude-We are the Proud Owners of that “ F %#K You in Your Face “ One (Debbie doesn’t allow that real “F” word due to the PG rating of this blog). Remember the word Feline starts with “F”.

With all these Superior Cat Natural Abilities , we know that dogs are the Real “Pussies” of the Fight World. (Pun intended- See we have an awesome sense of humor too!)

I can go on and on about how cats are Superior Fighters, but the bandwidth is only so big and the litter box is calling.

So if you’re gonna pick a Fight or just do some Fighting or just Sing a Fight Song- Be a copy cat and Fight Like a Cat!

So, How'd ya like the post? Should I do more post writing?

Nah, I rather play with the mouse than click with the mouse.

Monday, November 28, 2016

Sunday Slacker #5-Why I don't blog on Sundays


Slacker Sunday #5





Why I don’t BLOG on Sundays:

Exhausted From Counting Too Many Carbs

Lost Feeling in My Mouse Hand

Busy Clipping My Cats Claws and Then Bandaging My Hands

Need More Me Time Vs More Screen Time

Off My Meds Again

Out to Pasture

Experimenting With Drugs

Got Lost In Code Translation

On Alpha Alert